Prepare for trouble. Make it decuple. For as long as there have been Pokémon, there have been villainous teams trying to steal them. And make the world more beautiful. And destroy it. And various other things. But the important question is how good did they look while doing it? To celebrate the release of the Team Rocket HQ Collection at the Pokémon Center, we’re ranking each of these villainous teams by the only standard that really matters: their style. From worst to best, here are the 10 villainous teams of the Pokémon world and how well they dress their Grunts.
Team Aqua
If ever there was a villainous team Grunt that looked like they should be operating a ride at a theme park, it’s Team Aqua. We’re not trying to make waves or anything, but these Grunts should have staged a mutiny when Archie first rolled out the mood board for this look. From the striped everything to the jagged hems, this look has us feeling blue.
Team Galactic
I don’t know if Sinnoh has a space program, but that’s the only explanation behind Team Galactic’s outfits. Cyrus wants to rebuild the galaxy in his image, but he might want to start rebuilding his minions’ uniforms first. Sinnoh deserves better than to be taken over by people that look like they just raided the wardrobe of a ‘60s sci-fi show. The overall look wouldn’t be quite as bad if there wasn’t such a disconnect between the clothing and hair, but it’s pretty hard to rock a grayscale ensemble while wearing a hairstyle straight out of a teenybopper dystopian film. Not so out-of-sight overall.
Team Plasma
We can probably all agree that anyone who names their villainous organization Team Plasma probably isn’t much of a trendsetter. This gang operates out of Unova and aspires to liberate all Pokémon from their Trainers, which we have to admit sounds at least somewhat noble. And apparently, that overabundant chivalrous streak came into play when it came time for Ghetsis to choose his team’s wardrobe. The hoods. The tunics. The gauntlets. It’s giving Crusades vibes, which might seem romantic until you remember that the Crusades predated modern plumbing by about 600 years, and suddenly it doesn’t sound so great. From a purely practical perspective, we have to wonder how easy it is to run around stealing Pokémon in that getup. For one thing, the peripheral vision is basically nonexistent and for another, there’s no way that tunic isn’t getting caught on everything you run past.
Team Flare
There’s a reason a flare is a distress signal. If your entire aesthetic hinges on the delusion that only a single color exists, you might be Team Flare. Harsh? Absolutely. But it’s important to remember that the entire premise and purpose of Team Flare is to make the world more beautiful. And if beauty is your single and greatest aspiration, your Grunts shouldn’t resemble literal roadside flares. Furthermore, if Lysandre really wanted to reduce the strain on the world’s resources, he could have chosen fewer than a dozen accessories for each Grunt. We’re still calculating the environmental impact of sunglasses, gloves, belt buckles, ties, and surgeon’s cuffs for every Grunt in Kalos, but it isn’t zero.
Team Yell
This villainous gang that operates out of Spikemuth in Galar isn’t the most ambitious, and we see that reflected in their clothing choices. While the punk aesthetic offers a rich palette of color and texture, the team’s Grunts inexplicably limit themselves to the most basic and obvious: studded collars and accessories and largely grayscale colors with a single pop of magenta. And again, this is a team whose sole ambition is to be as loud as possible. Given that, choosing a punk sensibility was a major step in the right direction, but the thing about being loud is that it doesn’t necessarily mean that you have something interesting to say. Which applies to both the Team Yell Grunts’ wardrobe and, apparently, their nonexistent mission statement.
Team Star
When your Grunts run around giving themselves compliments like “we burn so bright it hurts to look at us” you better look stellar or you risk inviting fashion critique that stings like bitter blades. These delinquents who run around Paldea starring up trouble would have achieved a much better ranking were it not for their incongruous and highly impractical assortment of accessories. If this team is so hardcore that they have to wear helmets at all times, why are the female Grunts wearing heels? And if they are in fact delinquents, what’s with the white gloves and ties? The high-class accoutrements belong in an office or high society function while the helmets and star-shaped sunglasses suggest a monster truck rally. And while neither is necessarily aesthetically bad, together they make about as much sense as Academy Director Clavell throwing on a pompadour wig and thinking he’s unrecognizable.
Team Magma
This group of hooligans operating out of Hoenn are a bit of a hot mess. Obviously, based on these rankings, there are worse things you could be. While there isn’t anything explicitly wrong with this team’s attire, there isn’t necessarily anything right with it either. The overall effect is at least interesting, but also somewhat incomprehensible. Yes, the horned hood is kind of adorable, but why horns? Overall, the looks might not be as hot as the team’s name suggests…but it’s not quite a dumpster fire either.
Team Skull
Yo, the cynical among us might argue that there’s little difference between Team Yell and Team Skull. Delinquents dressed in a largely black and white color palette that might seem a little dull? Check. No grand ambitions involving destroying the world? Also check. But there’s an important distinction that, in this humble opinion, elevates Team Skull’s overall aesthetic above anything Team Yell could hope to achieve: self-awareness. From the Grunt dialogue, we learn that the Grunts are aware that they’re all named Grunt and that their clothing is essentially identical. With this knowledge, the skull bandanas and necklace pendants that might otherwise read as a little obvious or gimmicky instead become kitschy-chic. Yo.
Team Rocket
Protecting the world from devastation one flawless look at a time. Uniting all people within the fashion nation. Denouncing the evils of boredom and bland style. Extending their reach by going the extra mile. In a battle of fits, was there ever any question that Team Rocket would emerge victorious? With their bold silhouettes and simple yet coherent styling, it’s no surprise that Team Rocket sent their competition blasting off. But if we’re being honest, it’s the iconic team’s larger-than-life personality that really sells the look. Team Rocket could be wearing garbage bags and still be the best dressed Pokémon thieves in the Pokémon world.
Team Rainbow Rocket
Because the only thing better than Team Rocket is Team Rocket with rainbows.
Looking for your own Team Rocket-inspired fit? Check out the Pokémon Center’s Team Rocket HQ Collection. Looking for more Team Rocket content? Test your knowledge of the best baddies to ever plague the Pokémon world with the Team Rocket quiz. Think Team Rocket are the real heroes? You’ll agree with this opinion piece.
